NDE

[TOMMY_JOE]

Hello, everyone.

Here is my story. In 2008, I was 50 years old and was a happy and content man, with a beautiful soul partner, my wife Julie, and two beautiful and respectable children: Alicea, who was almost 20, and Raymond, who was 18.

I was the president of a very successful company called TLC Woodworks, INC., a carpentry firm specializing in the production of wooden articles, including very original and unique customized items: among the customers were a number of VIPs who enjoyed being able to walk around the premises and negotiate their purchases without being harassed by reporters or fans seeking autographs. Because of our originality, my partners and I had been named the “Outlaw Carpenters.” I was also the co-founder of an original music band called the Smile ‘N’ Fish band and in those days the group’s studio was right next to the firm premises.

Besides being a wonderful wife and mum, Julie worked for the local school as a custodian. Every so often, she also wrote songs and sung herself.

As a child, I went to school as required by law, but was not particularly interested in competing for a high grade. I failed to graduate and got a lot of Fs. I had learnt early in life the rule: lead, follow, or get out of the way. So, the easiest way, in my opinion, or the path of least resistance, logically was to get out of the way! That is how I chose to become a carpenter, a master craftsman, passionate about bringing some of the otherwise dead trees back to life. As far as I knew, I was not competing with anyone else but myself. I was not retarded, just challenged. What I mean to say is, I constantly challenged myself. I could not understand what they meant when they said to think outside the box. I must have ditched school on that day. So lucky for me, I did not get a box, at least not a strong box. At this point in my life, in my opinion, that proverbial box is the human Ego.

This means I was not biased by a specific line of thinking or belief system and this turned out to be a very lucky circumstance, in view of what happened to me in 2008.

I lived with my family in Green Valley, California. On Wednesday, 16 July 2008, Julie and I left with my 2007 Harley Davidson motorcycle for a short holiday. We were to take part in a family reunion on Saturday, 19 July, at my sister’s house in Pueblo, Colorado. On Sunday, July 20th, Julie and I were on our way back home and were about a half-hour away from Julie’s best friend’s house and our first leg of the trip home.

Life for us was as good as we might have possibly wished.

As we were cruising down the highway, outside of Montrose, Colorado, an old couple in a Chevy pickup truck made a left turn in front of us and we crashed. I have no recollection of the accident and impact at all.

All I knows is that both Julie and I died as a result of that crash and I escorted Julie on a journey from which, as I was to find out, she would not be returning.

What I was able to report about those days comes from my out-of-body consciousness or soul’s perspective: the moment Julie and I died I was with her in another higher dimension of consciousness.

It is so hard to put into words what was shown to me. After all, how does a carpenter, an “Outlaw Carpenter” (based on the way our business was named) begin to explain how he was shown a glimpse of eternity and infinity, and yes, even death? My own death, and also my soul mate’s unappealable death… or should I say, a transformation of consciousness and awareness?

Despite the difficulties, I will do my best to share what happened to us beyond space and time.

As the medical staff later confirmed to me, my conditions were so serious I was not expected to survive the accident.

What I remember, on the other hand, is that I was in another higher dimension of consciousness, and perceived reality from my out-of-body or soul’s perspective, which is completely different from the human, Ego- and fear-based perspective.

What one experiences, or what I experienced in that moment, was like my soul being removed from the human form, or human condition. My spirit/soul was more alive than ever, once I left the confining container of my body. Julie and I were back Home, and re-joined with the great Sprit, God, the Universe, or whatever labels we humans want to call it. We get so hung up on the literal words that we lose the meanings. We were now free again, out of time and space, and fully felt part of the Great Spirit, just as the spiritual Masters I was blessed to meet.

What died at that moment, along with the body, was my Ego. Before that moment I did not even know I had an Ego, but there it was, decomposing with my container. Julie and I were returned to the energy of Love that we were before we were born: my soul/spirit was free of all negativity, even though I was to find out it would be just for that brief period of time.

All of a sudden, I had no restrictions, no fear, I was free to see whatever and whoever I wished and to go wherever I wanted. For each of my questions I instantly received an answer and found that every problem had a solution. I got the inner knowing that no problems exist on Earth that are not created by humans. Like I said, it is hard to put into words something that most of us don’t get to return from.

I was shown not only my past fifty years of this life, but also the many ramifications, the many alternate paths my life could have taken in the past, in the present and in the future, with all their outcomes.

As to the big picture, the future I was shown was just a projection of what would happen if we continued on the path we were on. By the way, in my humble opinion, I feel the whole human species has been playing the same Ego-related game for many thousands of years.

I did not experience this “life review” as if I were watching a movie on a screen: it was like reliving it, and it all made sense. I saw every event as a beautiful dream, only more brilliant and vivid. In fact, the movie analogy comes in handy. If our lives were a movie, with our free will, we would be the writer, the director, the producer, one of the actors, and eventually the audience.

I now fully feel I have been blessed in this life in many ways. And LOVE is the greatest gift of all. After my life review, I feel we are all multidimensional beings.

About being with Julie at that time, I sense she also had the choice to stay or go back, I sense the two of us might have reached an agreement about who would come back, but the memory of this possible negotiation eludes me. There, out of space and time, I felt I was at last back Home and everything made sense anyway.

Whatever the case may be about the parts of the experience I cannot remember, it was eventually made clear to me that, even though Julie was welcome to stay, I was to come back to this earthly life to be with our children. In the light of all this and of everything making sense for me, I accepted, and the medical staff managed to get me back.

However, upon re-entering the body, I was faced with overwhelming pain and with the realization that my wife would not be returning. I simply could not stand it, I asked to be taken back and I flatlined a second time.

Once again, it is difficult for me to find the words to explain what happened when I got back to Heaven and the infusion of wisdom and deeper understanding I received in the Spirit World during the second life review. Imagine the download of a huge number of files, much more massive than the previous one, granting me first-hand knowing of the underlying reasons for so many things. It was not the sort of knowledge that comes from theoretical study, but the practical understanding that comes from first-hand experience.

I am and always have been a doubting Thomas, according to my wife, anyway. That is probably, and most likely, the reason why I found myself hard to train. I was, for the first fifty years of my life, a hard-working and subconscious machine. I questioned everything and understood nothing. I was content with all the ups and downs of life as a self-taught happy idiot.

However, here in the Spirit World I had this source of direct knowledge at my full disposal. I now had a much deeper understanding about life and death and about my role in the big picture. Like other people who have experienced an NDE, I realized how short this physical life is compared to that. So now, with more clarity and wisdom, l was asked again to return to the physical world for my children and the doctors managed to get me back again.

As I re-entered my physical body, I felt more pain than before and realized I was unable to handle, not only the pain, but the grief of all who knew my wife Julie… Even though I did not want to believe it, I understood that in particular my son Raymond, who was only eighteen at the time, would be faced with a terribly challenging loss. I realized I had been mostly spared that grief, but at the same time I might be powerless in attempting to convey my knew understanding to others, especially to those who were closer and dearer to me.

Imagine returning from a trip where you were given the solution to all the world’s problems, and you realize there are no problems that people do not create. Once again, I felt I simply could not handle it and I flatlined for the third and final time.

The experience I had when I got back to Heaven was deeper than I could imagine. Everything made perfect sense to me…. You see, the only resistance I had to returning on the third trip back was the perceived need for Ego in humans…. In spirit we have no Ego, no conditions, no limits whatsoever. I felt I was one with the Universe and everything and that every possible scenario would ultimately make sense.

I felt the deep meaning and related responsibility involved in committing to come back to this dimension or this reality to try as I may to share and help, not only my own children, but anyone who wants and/or needs to know more about the truth and LOVE I experienced beyond death. I finally realized it was worthwhile to face the pain.

Everything made sense for me now: the human Ego and Ego-system and the illusions it is nourished by (such as fear, scarcity, selfishness, hatred, guilt, the belief that nothing exists beyond our material lives, and so on) has been in place for thousands of years. From that Ego-free perspective filled with LOVE, win-win circumstances are the only ones that have a meaning and they appear easily attainable. The imminent failure of the Ego-system appears obvious from the other side, from out of space and time.

In the Spirit World we do not have an Ego and our true spiritual identity is free and eternal.

On this side, however, the Ego is unable to see itself and is terrified about any scenario involving its dissolution: here is why it constantly feels the need to fight for survival. Hence the failure of our system. It is obvious to all human beings that the system cannot and will not fix itself. By default, the Ego in all of us, including mine, would rather not be exposed! However, mine was brought into the light at death, and sent back to this reality to share.

Upon reawakening from my coma, I knew for sure that Julie had died (in fact, also in view of my very critical conditions, her funeral had already been held). However, it took me some time to remember my NDEs. In fact, even though I have described them here in sequence, as I flatlined three times, I had three life reviews, three increasingly deeper infusions of wisdom and two failed attempts to come back to this physical world: for me, who was out of space and time, it was one single experience.

One of the things I realized as I retrieved the memory of my trip to Heaven is that there is an open door between this dimension and what we call the Afterlife. What is even more important, I realized that that door had always been there, but only now was I consciously aware of it.

Even though I was an unpretentious and straightforward person, my choice not to graduate and continue with my studies had somehow protected me from many preconceived ideas; even though I realized my shortcomings, I deemed myself lucky to be free from too many prejudices my Ego could feed on.

I was a creative carpenter, I loved music and had been writing songs and poems since I was 20. I was part of a musical band. I had always had this overabundance of artistic imagination. I failed the 1st grade because they called me a daydreamer. However, there was something special about the way I did all this and I only fully appreciated it after my NDE. For instance, after the accident, I had some friends helping me clean out the garage and found a briefcase with all my writings from the last 35 years in it. One of the things that was written back then, decades before my accident, was a poem called “To Suffer Death but Could Not Die”, which sounds like an amazing premonition: I remember writing it, but I don’t know where it came from. That is where most of my writing comes from: I’m just the medium, I just hold the pen and let it flow through me.

I realized that writing in my early morning, when my Ego was not awake yet, allowed this creative force to flow at its best. I realized how, by writing at that time, my spirit was out of space and time and free to genuinely express itself.

It often happens to me to write things that make perfect sense only some time “after” they have been written.

The open door I mentioned does not only have to do with inspired writing: I constantly feel Julie’s presence with me, and since 2016, when he passed, I continue to feel the presence of my son Raymond.

A few months after the accident it was suggested that I see a grief counsellor, so I made an appointment. She asked me:

“Do you dream?”

“Yea I dream, doesn’t everybody?”

“But, do you dream about the accident?”

“No, I don’t remember the accident.”

“Do you dream about Julie?”

“I don’t know if I dream about her, but she’s here right now; if you call that a dream, then I am dreaming right now.”

It was kind of a conversation where I did not know how to answer. It is difficult for me to tell the difference between a memory and a dream because I find that, in depth, there is very little separation between dreams and reality.

I have been asked how I sense my loved ones on the other side. Well, even though they are invisible to my physical eyes, while awake, I clearly sense their presence. The most vivid perception happens in my sleep, though it is not me who seeks the connection: it simply happens. Sometimes I go to see them and sometimes they come to see me. It is my spirit that does it. I do not try to control it. It is like living with one foot in the physical world and one on the other side.

I have been asked whether I have a method to finetune the connection with the other side: well, I have a way to switch off the brain, thus shifting to a non-thinking mode, which some call meditation, some call prayer and some call daydreaming… Labels are not important. The key focus is to turn off the Ego, which feeds on and nourishes our fear of death and is unable to see itself. Prayer is only one of the words we use to define meditation or focused thought/energy. Most of our beliefs are not accurate. The truth is LOVE. God is LOVE.

I have come back with a great awareness as to my own responsibility. I know I have an important message to share and that I will continue doing so for the rest of my life. At the same time, I know that whoever is on the receiving end is free to interpret and understand my words based on their own experience, education, belief system and personality. We all have a choice: always. We all have free will regarding our existence and the way we go about our life. This also affects the way my message will reach the recipient. I convey my thoughts in good faith but with the awareness that these are then decoded and interpreted based on the recipient’s free will.

I keep getting asked whether Julie and I had a chance to reach an agreement as to who of the two of us would be coming back: well, I sense we both had a choice and we possibly had the opportunity to negotiate my return, but the memory eludes me.

It seems more than a coincidence that on 10 September 2001, the day before the September 11th no one will probably ever forget, a video was made of Julie singing a song she had written. The song goes “Take me Home… to Paradise.” Here is the video:



The more I hear stories of people grieving a loss, the more I realize the blessing I had from going there and being with Julie in that journey I was so reluctant to come back from. I have taken with me the first-hand knowing that life and love are forever, which involves feeling Julie’s and Raymond’s presence always with me.

Here is what I think: however, strong, weak, and/or neutrally connected you are to the Source of Life/the Great Spirit, at this stage of my soul’s evolution the Divine is known to me as the power of love for all beings, and not (and I must repeat NOT) the love of power over all. When I think of Heaven now, I realize that Earth is part of it… We are making hell of it, but we will evolve or at least try. Even the end of times as described in the Bible is just a projection of a new beginning, in my humble opinion.

What most terrifies the Ego is the end of its own existence. But death and the dissolution of the Ego is just a reawakening to our real self and a new beginning.

And I am feeling that right now as I write this. As I recall this experience it takes me back to that peaceful place and timeless time. Out of my mind? Yes of course, and out of my body also. I go there often when I am alone and am allowed to go deep into myself. You can call it meditation or prayer, or whatever you like. When I say “into myself” I am describing what projects me out there into the essence of the source of life. What I mean is I can see my human Ego form, struggling with my formless soul trying to bring it back into shape and into this reality. The Ego is taught to fear its own death.

There is much, much more I need to write about. I will continue writing about this for the rest of my life, so that whoever wishes to listen and gain a benefit from the experience I share may do so.

Mainly, though, I was sent back to help myself, first. To learn from and then teach my little people, my two children, Alicea and Raymond. They are, after all, a reflection of their mother and me, and of course, the social engineers of society, as we know it.

This brings a tear to my eye. Not because I failed to reach my son before he died from a broken heart in 2016, but because I did.

Julie and Raymond are always with me.

Being with Julie at that critical time is something that has never gone away. Once you go through the door to the other side it remains open as it always has been. Like it is with God: there is no separation from that love that we humans do not create.