My after death communication and ongoing relationship

[dirk23wright]

I dated Barbara, a lovely woman, in 1981 for a month. I was in the UK for a year for my junior year of college. I behaved badly and we broke up. Then I went back to the USA to finish my degree. For a few months after the breakup, I couldn't look at any women without feeling I was cheating on her in spite of her telling me to leave. I finally told myself an awful story about her and that enabled me to date again, but it was never the same. The passion was gone. The instant connection was gone. For 40 years I had several wives and one child and a lot of emotional turmoil and tragedy.

In 2019, as I recall, I was reading a lot about what happens after death. I was reading Dolores Cannon, Michael Newton, et al. and learned about the Life Review. I grew concerned that my LR after death was going to be difficult. I decided to do my own LR now. Why wait? I started with Barbara and realized the story I had told myself was a lie. Her feelings for me were genuine. That sent me on a journey of grieving for 5 years now. I was shocked at the depth of my pain over losing someone I only dated for a month. I couldn't recall all of the experiences I had with her. I'm not even sure what her face looks like in detail. I can't recall the color of her eyes either. I also know very little about her. It was a strange relationship. There was a lot of passion, but not much sharing. She didn't open up emotionally to me very much, so I never learned about her family, her history, her likes and dislikes, and so on. I couldn't understand why I was grieving so hard over someone I barely knew. I had a lot of past life recalls and other things associated with her. I just figured it was a mystery and left it at that. I had paid to find her address and sent her a letter apologizing for my behavior back then. I told her that none of this was her fault, that I took responsibility for us breaking up, among other things. I never heard from her. I kept looking online for her too, but never found her. She was really a mystery to me.

Then, she died. I knew she died because I saw her walk up to a pitch black wall, open a door and walk through it. On the other side of the door was blinding white light. Before she went through the door, she said to me "see you later." Then, after she passed, I felt this unbreakable bond between us. It wasn't like anything I'd ever felt with anyone before.

She came back to me after death. She showed herself to me, we kissed, and she hung around me for a couple of weeks. She asked me questions also. She said that she had her pick of 18 men to be her husband. She chose me. Finally, she showed me an image of two dinner candles, tapers in holders on the dinning table. They were identical but unlit. I took that to mean that she believed we were twin flames, but not "on fire."

She started to back away from me, and I became frustrated, wondering why she would tell me all of this if she wasn't going to stay with me. She finally told me "I knew what you needed for healing." Oh well, I thought, she just told me all of that so I'd feel better, not necessarily because it was true.

All this time I continued to grieve, using my Intentional Grieving method. I still use it today.

But, I've since learned through consulting a psychic that I trust that she's got work to do on herself so she needs to leave sometimes to do that. Ok, fine.

For me though, I'm conflicted because I'm married to another women here in the physical world. We get along great. She's the best wife I can remember ever having. I used to judge people about polyamory, etc. but now I find myself in a difficult position of having two ongoing relationships. I'm a cheater, in other words. I'm not about to tell my wife about Barbara, but I did consult with her a couple of times before she died. My wife is a psychic, but she doesn't remember what she says to people because she goes into an altered state to get the information. So, in normal conscious awareness, she doesn't know anything about Barbara. I'm not about to tell her either, since one of the biggest things I learned from reading about NDE LR's is that hurting someone on purpose, with intention, is the worst thing you can do. It is the most damaging thing you can do to another person, and thus to yourself. Since I know telling my wife that I have feelings for another woman would certainly cause her pain, I'm not about to share this with her. I have kept it mostly secret for years now.

I've had other ADC's but not like these with Barbara. I continue to wonder about where this is going with her. I'm scared that my wife will find out. I don't know the consequences of being "TF." I'm not even completely certain I believe in that. I've had a lot of psychic experiences about it, but what it all means to me is a mystery.

The latest experience I had with her was a psychic communication where I proposed marriage and she accepted. I'm like, what do I do now? How can I be married to two women at the same time? This is crazy. It makes no sense, yet it keeps going. With Barbara, there's this endless love and passion. It's scary that way. There's no bottom to it. It doesn't end. I can't fathom it. It's been really hard for me to accept all of this.

I'm aware of Pamela Johnson, a practicing psychic medium, who has an ongoing relationship with her deceased husband
Alan. I'm going to read her book. I've asked her about my situation without a response yet. This is an ongoing story that confuses me at the same time feels really good.

[Giulia]

Thanks for this very touching post.

I also wondered whether you could benefit from a mediumistic reading about what is going on, with a professional spiritualist medium.

It would be imperative for you to say nothing to the medium, save that you want to hear from Barbara, maybe.

When the medium talks, all you are to reply is “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know”.

Would you like to try?

EDIT

Hello, Dirk. Here I am at 4:30 in the morning to wholeheartedly thank you about your reference to Pam and Alan’s book. That is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you! My husband is my twin flame and we have been in touch ever since he apparently left this world in December